Not every dementor looks scary or wears black cloak. Some of them sit across your living room, at your workplace, some of them can be your friends, family and so called well-wishers.
I hope you have either read or watched Harry Potter and Prisoner of Azkaban, you must be aware of The Dementors, those are the foul creatures ever walked on earth.
I find The Dementors more terrifying than Lord Voldemort himself. Voldemort can kill you. A Dementor leaves you alive- but without hope, happiness and joy.
The dementors suck hope, happiness, life and soul from their prey, they live like a dead body that breathes after that. The dementors breed on your fear or your negative emotion.
Who are dementors in real life ?
The people who suck happiness out of your life are dementors, People who make you feel hopeless, desperate, sad or any other negative feelings are dementors.
They don’t suck soul out of you, they slowly drain your self-respect, peace, joy, happiness and confidence.
Are there dementors in real life ?
Yes, Some of the Dementors we might have come across, might be a critical parent, victim spouse, Energy Vampire colleagues, Manipulator boss, Narcissist parent, pessimist friend, Gossip buddies, and control freaks.
You might have different combinations, they are all over there in our life, sucking soul and joy out of us.
The Constant Critic
Well, does it need an explanation?
Imagine showing your report card to your parents. You scored 95% and where did the other 5% go ?
You must have someone who seems to be hard to please, anything you do is not up to the mark. There is always scope of improvement.
It is a pro max level of inner critic. They have their standards of perfectionism, low agreeableness, and you will never reach that level.
I love their inability to see good or positives but can identify negatives to the point of needle. Well it can be helpful but living with them is exhausting.
Practically, you can’t do anything about them, just turn deaf or run for your life the moment you get a chance.
The Victim
Some people are just happy to be sad !! they are always at the receiving end of their life.
The universe has personal vendetta with this type,and that’s what they believe.
They are victims in any case, if it rained, jammed traffic, flat tire, or burnt breakfast, it is fate against them and they need someone to take care of them all the time.
The victim can be an Olympic champion if dodging responsibility, taking accountability and coming a weak one in every situation.
They can manipulate you easily, you won’t kick a sick dog, right ! and the sick dog gets what it wants, your attention and care.
The energy vampire
Have you felt exhausted after just talking or spending time with someone?
Or have you been in long discussions with someone where you hardly get to speak?
Energy vampires can talk non-stop for two hours about their problems, making you feel like a dumpster who just had a truckload of nonsense.
I have been there, I work in HR and practically deal with them almost every day. Frankly they want to talk and only talk.
Sadly have few good friends also, who can puke out everything and anything about their life, family, relationship and what not.
You may feel that’s what friends do right, but try to share about your life, they turn deaf or get back to their ranting, before you even finish a sentence.
The Manipulator
And the boss is here.
The silent warrior who has a toolkit that contains gaslighting, guilt-tripping, and love bombing.
The boss can make you feel vulnerable to catch them red-handed or catch their lie,
Somehow it will be your fault and end up apologizing to them.
They are masters of silent treatment and “I never said that”, you can be so cold that you will start doubting your judgment.
The Manipulator may appear as a friend or helping hand, learn about your fear, desire to please, guilt, vulnerabilities and then use it to control you.
Manipulators are like a fly trap plant, it looks like a flower to fly, food and friendly place to be, only when they are deep inside the stem, they know they are trapped.
The Gossip
The gossip is a case of FOMO (Fear of Missing Out), the want to be everywhere, want to know everything and want to look connected to everyone.
They get high on providing juicy information, being the center of attraction for knowing the secrets or first informer.
This urge to know everything and their tendency to share gossip with others make them untrustworthy and frankly staying away with them is the best option we have.
The Pessimist
They have problems for every solution, they see negatives and flaws first.
These people may have issues related to low self esteem, low confidence and urge to avoid difficult situations.
Talking to them is like getting negative validation, you end up losing hope and confidence and that’s what a dementor does to you.
It is not about categorising them, I am sure I may be displaying some of the behaviour in someone’s life. The point is to identify them and ward them off patronus charm, and you Patronus Charm is your choice to deal with them tactfully and not to feed them.
Could you spot dementors in real life?